The stranger in the mirror
The moment the feeling is gone, there is no holding back. Or at least, that is the way the things should be. Usually, there are hints or incidents before the big bang. The only problem is that we are in too deep, too involved. Therefore we cannot think objectively. Most of the times, when this happens, we choose to ignore these small red flags. We shouldn't. They are the way out ticket. If we’d only take this exit, life would be easier, less messy, and less painful.
Life throws at us different things, and it is up to us to decide which way we go. I must make up my mind, and choose the path I want to follow. I am lost, and I have to my way. Before that, I have to find myself.
I have been under a love spell. And because love is blind, I chose to turn a blind eye on his negative points. The worst part is that I changed. I became someone else that I don't like anymore. I thought I liked all these changes that I have done. Well, not anymore.
I look in the mirror and in see a stranger with familiar eyes. I don't recognize myself. I used to be fun. I used to like having fun. I used to have friends. Real ones.
I asking myself what happened to all that. Where did all go? When I try to look back, and figure it out, all that comes to my mind, is that I was a fool. I don't know how I could ever make it up to my friends. Hopefully, they will find it in their hearts to forgive me for turning my back on them.
It's funny, because at the time, it did not feel as a break-up. I saw it more like distancing myself from the world, from what I believed to be fake and superficial.
For a while, I really believed that it was for my own good. That I needed to be surrounded by people that cared about me. Unfortunately, I lived an illusion.
Now, I feel that I just opened my eyes, and found myself in a maze. As if someone else lived my own life. I guess this is what you call a temporary memory wipe out. I woke up, and realized ten years passed since I took that left turn. Ten years of wandering on the Alberta asphalt, without having a clue who my so called “love” was. When he revealed his true colors, it was too late...